Category — Spirituality

Along with being outside in a natural setting, one of my favorite places for meditation and inspiration is in the shower. When I am in the shower, I feel the most vulnerable but also the most secure. There I feel closer to God than almost anywhere else.

The fall of the hot water cascading over my skin makes me feel united with one of the most powerful forces in creation while giving me feelings of authority and humbleness. In the shower is where I often go to cry, to celebrate, to mourn, to laugh, to be a child again…if only for those precious minutes.

Water has always fascinated me as a symbol and manifestation of God’s spirit and supremacy. Even in its destructive wake of flood and crashing waves, there is a sense of dominion without limitations. And that power fortifies my own desire for freedom and control when it and I meld as one in the shower. The greatness of the water is both within and without me.

Showering has become something more than an expected and routine behavior or a daily ritual to me. It often takes on a sacred overtone. In its deluge I am touched, cleansed, baptized, blessed, refreshed and renewed. My tears add to its volume, my soul is stirred, and I am cuddled like a child by its embrace. The spirit of God is present in its unrivaled perfection and that lets me know I’m not alone.

Each magnificent drop of water is a world unto itself and a part of the whole. The joy of showers remind me that I am also as one with creation’s beauty and a receiver of its wonderful blessings.

History has shown that when one chooses to live life as a spiritual mission, one must first fall in order to rise again; to die to the self in order to rise in the spirit. Examples are Joan of Arc, Jesus, Moses, Martin L. King, Jr., and Malcolm X, just to name a few. Often the novitiate messenger has difficulty explaining what is stirring in them during the transition, only that “something is happening to me.” The transformation from flesh- to spirit-rule is traumatic.

It is not until the cocoon is cracked and the breath of life is allowed to touch the inner is the outer allowed to drop away. It was not until my involvement in a child abuse case threatened the loss of my children did I change the direction of my life completely. To the observant, the example of the butterfly is an ingenious way nature has provided us to recognize spiritual renewal and explain our metamorphosis to others.

Once we are able to grasp the implications of responsibility to our fellow human beings, our “calling” as it were, the picture becomes clearer. The fears of life dwindle in comparison to the brilliance of purpose that looms ahead. The scripture, “though you slay me, yet will I live” becomes the anthem of one’s existence. It is the attraction of the moth to the flame. The pull to get closer to the source by our willingness becomes over-whelming and draws one nearer to the light which is death of the flesh, but rebirth of the spirit…revival.

To enlighten others about the possibilities available to all human beings for as long as possible before the time arrives to depart this world becomes the mission. Once the seal is broken, the purposes and realities related to everyone you meet become clear. Their roles and yours becomes pieces of the puzzle which start to fit, and the picture begins to look like the top of the box. You can see where you’re headed and what the outcome will be.

We accept that everyone and everything comes into our lives for a reason and a season, not to stay forever because there is no such thing; all being temporary. Though the scenery and the players change, the story of revival remains the same…one of rejuvenation, redemption and reconciliation.

Much talk is going on about the building of Muslim mosques in various places in the United States. Since the arrival of the founding fathers, the U.S. has been and is predominately a Christian nation politely sharing its religious expression with Judaism. But the possible expansion of Islam and the building of mosques are controversial concepts disturbing to many people.

I stand in a rather unusual position as I do not belong to any organized religion, although I do believe in the existence of God or a power higher than man. I have no stake in the support or advancement of any one’s belief system other than my own as I respect everyone’s right to believe or worship in their own way. Nor am I disturbed about the religious aspects of the various religions, rather it is the cultural behaviors which accompany them that has and does concern me.

For many years, as a student of the sociology and psychology of my fellow humans, and as a black person and descendant of slaves in this country, I have been aware of the responsibility and activities that members of the white Judea/Christian family had and expressed toward my ancestors. Unfortunately, many of those attitudes still exists today in many circles in this country as well as prejudice and racism toward other groups because of race, sexual preference, religion, weight, financial status, etc., etc.

However, in all fairness, there is also much discrimination by Christian blacks against other blacks and minorities, based on their status, as well as animosity toward whites, regardless of whether they are also Christian. So the point I am making is that it is human nature and not professing to belong to a particular sect or group that does or does not prevent or restrain one human being from disrespecting, abusing or misusing another.

There are broad differences in lifestyles and attitudes of many Muslim groups, particularly compared to Jews and Christians. But like Christians, Jews and other religions, there are many peaceful, loving members. Nevertheless, there also exist in all of them very dangerous extremists groups who perpetrate cruel and usual disciplines on their devotees, for example, Jim Jones and the Ayatollah Khomeini.

In the U.S., because of our societal diversity, we have battled long and hard to put laws in place which pretty much separate church and state while guaranteeing personal liberty to worship as one chooses. Those laws will be required to protect the rights of Muslims as well. But will the activities condoned by many Muslims as part of their religious expression, but found objectionable by our legal system, be carried out in the church without direct interference? How will Islam’s traditional observances fit into the mainstream of American life without putting demands on the general population to accommodate Muslim rituals?

When the two cultures collide, the expansion of mosques and Islam will take a great deal of understanding, tolerance, acceptance, compassion and negotiation. I suggest we begin to adjust our thinking now before the first foundation is laid.

Yesterday, talking to my oncologist about the treatment she is prescribing for my recently diagnosed breast and bone cancer, she inquired about my mental attitude and outlook on life in general. It was not too surprising as everyone has been encouraging me to “stay positive” in order to beat this new health challenge.

This idea of outlook on life brings me to the subject of how significant does the average person think his or her life is? I am by no means a celebrity or “star”; never had my name in lights [well, actually my name has been but it was for that other Paris (Hilton)], but like so many others, I am striving to be and do something meaningful…to be significant. 

Needless to say, I believe that each of us, whether notable or notorious, lives a significant life. When we consider all the people we touch on a day-to-day basis, by saying hello, smiling, shaking hands, showing appreciation, giving a nod or thumbs up, a hug, or prayer, or even if we’ve been less than friendly, we are affecting the universal spiritual field around us and making a change in the dynamics of humanity. Like pebbles thrown in a pond, the ripples of our actions go forth into eternity. We are significant.

Each person brings something unique and rare. No two are alike! The thought of it boggles the mind. We should, therefore, see ourselves as individual representatives of the whole of mankind, and treat others in that same light. When we come…and go…we have changed the world and it will never be the same again. How can anyone be less than positive with that thought in mind?

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Periodically we should take time to look at ourselves. It is good if this introspection takes place before our baser nature or beast is discovered by the world outside, as observed lately in so many celebrities, sports figures, politicians, preachers, and business men. Long before the world knows about our brokenness there are signs that we recognize, but refuse to consider. 

I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience; and in that humanity is located the lustful desires of the flesh. Be it drugs, alcohol, money, pornography, shopping, bullying, sex, food, gambling, lying, cheating, stealing…whatever; these kinds of things when out of control can take us down to less than decent, honest, kind, faithful and true human beings. We can become animalistic and dangerous to ourselves and others. We release the beast. 

The release of the beast can occur in the life of anyone: man, woman or child. All it takes is to slacken our sense of right and wrong and allow our self-control to become suppressed. Instead, we enjoy the power and allow the reward of our actions to go far beyond our thoughts of the costs or consequences. It is a sort of madness that takes over our normally contained character, and we think that “what’s done in the dark” will remain there, but it seldom does. 

In our perverted state, unless there is mental illness or injury involved, our conscience or spirit should kick in and signal an overload; tell us that we’ve gone too far. Tragically for some, suicide becomes a relief; for others, delving deeper until others notice initiates remedy. It is best if we can see ourselves for what we have become and seek help or put ourselves in check. This is the most effective and most lasting. 

Everyone has their personal beast or brokenness they must battle everyday. Billions of dollars go into drugs, therapy and ways of coping with, containing and restraining it. But if we view our beast from the perspective that it is a part of our nature, part of this human experience that we must not allow to overtake our minds, hearts and bodies, but learn to control within the confines of our physical nature, we can “be healed, be delivered, and be set free.” But too often, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

The term “dysfunctional” means “a temporary or permanent state in which a person is unable to be in balance or carry on a healthy daily life due to the lack or absence of five contributing factors: financial, mental, emotional, physical and social.” I would also add spiritual as a sixth contributing factor as it pertains to values of compassion, morals, character, and trust; all the things which makes us “human.”

When many people consider parents involved in child abuse, their primary thought concerns the financial state or poverty as abuse rather than their being “dysfunctional” as the cause.

For example, a poor mother who feeds her children beans and rice may not be abusing the child; but taking care of it to the best of her ability. When she compensates by buying items like Michael Jordan’s sneakers, this makes the child happy. She has balanced her financial factor by increasing her emotional one.

Drugs and alcohol are not primary factors that cause dysfunction, but are often the most visible indicators. Their presence may negatively affect the mental, emotional and physical factors the most. Drug abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, ill health, and disability can be positively affected or eliminated through therapeutic methods.

The need for increase in the social factor is often crucial for parents who need respite, and community and family support to help alleviate the stress of parenting. Unless there is proven physical or sexual abuse, removal of the child is not always the best action taken. The parents’ education and all other factors should also be considered.  

This brings us to spirituality and what I believe is a major factor. Without some direction involving compassion and love, children are removed from their homes and the family becomes a faceless “case.” Child Protective Services (CPS) is now turning out 18-year olds from foster care who are lost, alone and anxious. It is sad and dangerous. Many go from foster care to prison. Perhaps an intervention and correction of their family’s dysfunction could have changed their course, but we won’t know until it happens.

From September, 1988 to May, 1991, I was involved in a civil child abuse case. I was never arrested, nor were my children proven to be other than “endangered” by me because I believed in spanking, but they were placed in shelter for the majority of that time nonetheless. I present the full details in my book, By Hope Alone: The Making of a Parent; The story of a mother’s journey through life, love and a child-abuse case, so I won’t relate it too closely here. The purpose of this writing is to give you some idea of the changes my life has taken since that experience.

When I wrote the book, I was trying to figure out how I had gotten to that place…a child-abuse case. I grew up in a loving home, with both parents who were married nearly 50 years. My father was never abusive, verbally or physically to my mother, me or my siblings. There was no drug or alcohol use or abuse, and I was well taken care of.

We went to church every Sunday. I attended private school until high school. And although we were poor, I never realized our poverty until I look back now. I had loving grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends and neighbors for the most part. But what happened? Where did my life take the wrong road that led to a child-abuse case?

We read in the scriptures of the Bible the parable about the foundation on which we build our house; whether it is sand or rock. Without a firm foundation the house will not stand in a storm. The fairytale of the three little pigs is about change, adaptation and triumph. One pig had a house of sticks and one straw, which the wolf was able to blow down. But when they all escaped to the brother’s brick house, the wolf’s hot air had no effect.

Those two stories illustrate my premise for this writing. To my dismay, as I sat down to write my book, I discovered how my life had been built on a foundation of sand in a house of straw. The life my parents gave me, with all its protection and secrets failed to provide me with the tools I needed to survive in the “real” world…the world I was destined to enter and brave after they encouraged me to marry someone not for love but for security’s sake.

The marriage I was too young and totally unprepared for turned out to be unlike my parents’ idyllic portrayal of wedded bliss. Mine set in motion changes which affect me until today; changes which led me completely astray from what once was my innocence. I went from being my parents’ child, to starting out as a dutiful wife, but a tremendous heartbreak of infidelity by my husband led me to a near breakdown of my moral code which ended in another dysfunctional relationship, two additional children and a child-abuse case.

Sitting in the courtroom during the “trial,” I cried out and the desperation in my heart was heard. A voice whispered, “Pay attention,” and from that response to my prayer, everything was transformed. I made a conscious decision to change, to build my life on a firm foundation out of the bricks of self control, introspection and most of all the love I needed to restore my family and become someone I am proud to be now. Change can happen. I’m a living witness and an avid advocate for it.

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I recently completed a telephone survey primarily to get my opinion of a bottled water company opening a new plant somewhere in California. I live in its capitol, Sacramento, and our tap water is pretty good, in my opinion. Sometimes I use tap water, sometimes bottled; although when I use bottled, I prefer the one that claims to be “spring water.” This interview about whether we should have more bottled water or not brought to mind the question of what may be the most valuable commodity to life?

When I consider the question of what is most valuable, I realize that the answer does not depend on the elements we need for survival: earth, wind, fire and water. Although they are all needed to sustain and maintain life, and I think we often take their importance for granted. We constantly subject our environment to pollution, destruction and over-use, but the most valuable commodity to life which we often overlook and do not survey is compassion.

When I think about countries at war and neighbors fighting over oil, land, religions, politics, lifestyles, beliefs, colors, rumors, lies, love, and something as petty as a look, the need for compassion begins to take on a much bigger importance than whether we should have bottled water or not.

Because human beings are frail, easily destroyed creatures when subjected to the elements, it behooves each of us to help sustain life with more personal attention and care which is most aptly carried out when we show compassion toward each other. With small gestures of compassion we can disrupt the onslaught of our environment which we cannot fully control. For example, we should provide more shelters for the homeless during the winter.

The need to protect and shelter ourselves and others through laws, rules, regulations, and restraints are all put into place as acts of compassion whether recognized as such or not. In a civilized society or even one we may consider savage, there are boundaries of space and time set to allow individuals opportunities to define their needs and to pursue them. When we hold back our compassion, we take away those chances, and we create havoc which oftentimes leads to death.

To have bottled water or not, or, for example, to ride in a car or walk; allow children to play indoors or outside; let others freely choose their lifestyle, belief, way of worship or music to listen to, are choices that add value to our lives. These esoteric commodities are the ones that are most dependent on the allowance of respect and neighborly compassion, and the most valuable.

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