Category — Past mistakes

Periodically we should take time to look at ourselves. It is good if this introspection takes place before our baser nature or beast is discovered by the world outside, as observed lately in so many celebrities, sports figures, politicians, preachers, and business men. Long before the world knows about our brokenness there are signs that we recognize, but refuse to consider. 

I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience; and in that humanity is located the lustful desires of the flesh. Be it drugs, alcohol, money, pornography, shopping, bullying, sex, food, gambling, lying, cheating, stealing…whatever; these kinds of things when out of control can take us down to less than decent, honest, kind, faithful and true human beings. We can become animalistic and dangerous to ourselves and others. We release the beast. 

The release of the beast can occur in the life of anyone: man, woman or child. All it takes is to slacken our sense of right and wrong and allow our self-control to become suppressed. Instead, we enjoy the power and allow the reward of our actions to go far beyond our thoughts of the costs or consequences. It is a sort of madness that takes over our normally contained character, and we think that “what’s done in the dark” will remain there, but it seldom does. 

In our perverted state, unless there is mental illness or injury involved, our conscience or spirit should kick in and signal an overload; tell us that we’ve gone too far. Tragically for some, suicide becomes a relief; for others, delving deeper until others notice initiates remedy. It is best if we can see ourselves for what we have become and seek help or put ourselves in check. This is the most effective and most lasting. 

Everyone has their personal beast or brokenness they must battle everyday. Billions of dollars go into drugs, therapy and ways of coping with, containing and restraining it. But if we view our beast from the perspective that it is a part of our nature, part of this human experience that we must not allow to overtake our minds, hearts and bodies, but learn to control within the confines of our physical nature, we can “be healed, be delivered, and be set free.” But too often, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

From September, 1988 to May, 1991, I was involved in a civil child abuse case. I was never arrested, nor were my children proven to be other than “endangered” by me because I believed in spanking, but they were placed in shelter for the majority of that time nonetheless. I present the full details in my book, By Hope Alone: The Making of a Parent; The story of a mother’s journey through life, love and a child-abuse case, so I won’t relate it too closely here. The purpose of this writing is to give you some idea of the changes my life has taken since that experience.

When I wrote the book, I was trying to figure out how I had gotten to that place…a child-abuse case. I grew up in a loving home, with both parents who were married nearly 50 years. My father was never abusive, verbally or physically to my mother, me or my siblings. There was no drug or alcohol use or abuse, and I was well taken care of.

We went to church every Sunday. I attended private school until high school. And although we were poor, I never realized our poverty until I look back now. I had loving grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends and neighbors for the most part. But what happened? Where did my life take the wrong road that led to a child-abuse case?

We read in the scriptures of the Bible the parable about the foundation on which we build our house; whether it is sand or rock. Without a firm foundation the house will not stand in a storm. The fairytale of the three little pigs is about change, adaptation and triumph. One pig had a house of sticks and one straw, which the wolf was able to blow down. But when they all escaped to the brother’s brick house, the wolf’s hot air had no effect.

Those two stories illustrate my premise for this writing. To my dismay, as I sat down to write my book, I discovered how my life had been built on a foundation of sand in a house of straw. The life my parents gave me, with all its protection and secrets failed to provide me with the tools I needed to survive in the “real” world…the world I was destined to enter and brave after they encouraged me to marry someone not for love but for security’s sake.

The marriage I was too young and totally unprepared for turned out to be unlike my parents’ idyllic portrayal of wedded bliss. Mine set in motion changes which affect me until today; changes which led me completely astray from what once was my innocence. I went from being my parents’ child, to starting out as a dutiful wife, but a tremendous heartbreak of infidelity by my husband led me to a near breakdown of my moral code which ended in another dysfunctional relationship, two additional children and a child-abuse case.

Sitting in the courtroom during the “trial,” I cried out and the desperation in my heart was heard. A voice whispered, “Pay attention,” and from that response to my prayer, everything was transformed. I made a conscious decision to change, to build my life on a firm foundation out of the bricks of self control, introspection and most of all the love I needed to restore my family and become someone I am proud to be now. Change can happen. I’m a living witness and an avid advocate for it.

http://www.createspace.com/3428567

Reflecting on the past can work in any relationship whether personal or business when situations which call for a crucial decision come up. If you haven’t had a similar experience, try being positive first. It could save you time, money and effort, and a good friend or business associate. A negative response may cause you to have to start all over and lose something or someone very valuable to your life. The following story is a good example of my theory. 

Yesterday I was visiting my boyfriend (yes, I have a boyfriend at my age, but that’s for another discussion), and he said something that “hurt my feelings,” and for a moment I froze. I say “hurt my feelings,” although no one can “hurt” your feelings. They are your feelings and you alone control how you feel. He could only direct my positive or negative response, which I also still control. 

Anyway, the super-sensitive, low self-esteem, jealous, ejective Paris pulled her head in like a turtle and began to sulk. That was my first reaction and the old me would have been plotting ways in her head to break away from the relationship. She would have become angry and mean, and probably would have said some rather nasty and unladylike things involving body parts and personality traits. 

But thank God I remembered a very similar situation from over 30 yeas ago in which the man wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings. He was sharing a decision he had made and an action he had taken which put me at the front of the line. (Ladies, there’s always a line, whether in fact or in fiction (such as the Playboy Channel). So, being the new me, my response became positive, and worked to draw me closer to him rather than to “throw the baby out with the bath water.” 

I would have preferred not to know about his actions, but the fact that he was willing to share them with me let me see that he trusts me enough to tell me something which could have caused a very bad reaction. I appreciated his trust, which deepened my feelings. 

If I had not have had that past experience, and recalled it, I would have made a very bad current mistake. My wish for you is to live life, love deeply, and laugh often.