Category — Life Lessons

What happens to a person to make them become intolerant? The question is asked because I refuse to believe that people are born with hatred for others just based on their race, their beliefs, or their preferences. History has shown that when children are placed in homes different from those of their birth parents, they can take on the characteristics of their caretakers or substitute parents. If not being born closed-minded is the case, then how is it that people can become prejudiced or bigoted unless they choose to be; are strongly influenced by others; or taught to be so by those who are bringing them up?

From personal experience, I am aware of different races being more than passing associates or even friends, and different religious devotees to have created loving families. These individuals may have come from homes that stressed the difference between races or religions, however the individual who adopted themselves into families different from their own were able to assimilate or accommodate and incorporate the ideals and beliefs of the adopted family. The fact of these familial blendings are further contradictions of the idea that people are born intolerant.

That being the case, why do people instill prejudice into children? What are the benefits of thinking and acting on the belief that people are totally different than you because of the color of their skin, the way in which they worship or not, or who they choose to love? Admittedly, there are differences in the way that different groups see and relate to the world. Could culture or their appearance, the manner in which they speak or dress or the texture or style of their hair or who they choose as a neighbor or friend bring about hatred so vile as to want to annihilate them from the face of the earth?

We have seen bigotry perpetrated by groups against other groups who share common characteristics such as color and lifestyles, but who seemingly hate each other. Men commit centuries old atrocities against women in the name of superstitions and religions. Sexual preferences have been the source of acts leading to murder, rape and other crimes. Color, status, language, religion, all have been used to separate, reject and destroy the spirits of men by other men.

My question is “why?” Can the need to have authority over others be strong enough to kill a single person or whole populations to satisfy a personal intolerance? Whole nations of people who were once rational human beings have turned into monsters of destruction killing and maiming entire ethnic groups including their children, and sometimes even their animals in the name of their personal philosophy. Again I ask “why?”

Knowing that each of us has a limited time here on Earth, couldn’t we best spend it motivating, inspiring and uplifting each other? As we go through destroying life, who is to say what essential breakthrough or discovery that one could have made for the benefit of so many more? Everyone comes here for a purpose; even those with intolerant minds. But why teach or choose bigotry as the reason to be?

The story of the young woman who lost her job after posting a remark on Facebook about her customers brings us a great opportunity to discuss something that is running rampant in this country…bad customer service. With today’s economy being what it is, I am sorry she lost her job, but her firing brings up another point. If she was a good employee, her bosses could have taken the time to teach her a life-long lesson in etiquette and superior business practices by explaining the policy that was in place and why. Perhaps the subject never came up during her interview and probationary period and she was unaware of it. Many young people do not understand or have not been taught the same level of respect for the company and its customers that is necessary to display good work ethics or company pride as in the past.

The primary problem that exists in most business interactions today is the rudeness or complete lack of good customer service. Whether it is on the phone, or in person, workers act as if they are doing you a favor when they wait on you, rather than the other way around. If the customer did not patronize their business, the worker would not have a job. This concept does not seem to register with many clerks or service personnel. When did it become the duty of the customer to please the person behind the counter or on the other end of the phone?

Being a service person or government bureaucrat calls for being of service as one of the undefined duties and a great part of one’s responsibility. Besides, being nice will always made your day easier and more pleasant. Knowing that you can either make or break someone’s attitude or well-being just by the way you approach them, handle their affairs or respond to their needs should be a power booster and an incentive to act in a non-passive-aggressive manner.

If you do not like dealing with people, why take a job that has you interacting with other human beings on a constant basis? But just taking a job because it is available can put the company owner’s business in jeopardy, as shown by this incidence. So it is a warning to business owners to add instructions of proper social skills to their list of items to discuss during the training of their service workers. Better still, a primary question during the interview would be, “how do you get along with people?”

For the last four or five years I’ve been writing blogs and doing social networking and have joined or connected to over 300 internet groups. When I Google my name, I’m surprised at the things that pop up and am amazed at how far my name and messages have reached. This is not to thump my own chest, rather to set the stage for something which never ceases to amaze me. I wonder and am surprised when others comment on how strong they consider me to be.

My readers’ perceptions make me wonder to what exactly is that strength attributed? Is it the time I’ve spent at the keyboard pecking away; or it is starting, deleting, uploading and downloading pictures and videos? Is it using the Thesaurus to express the same words in different ways to vary my content; or is it reading and re-reading, checking the spell-checked text to be sure I’ve caught all the errors? Is it arranging, rearranging, placing and displacing sentences, clauses, phrases, titles, paragraphs, punctuation marks, or whole topics?

Is it the subject matter I write about; the opinions I confer, the arguments in which I take a determined stand, or the information about my experiences I choose to share? Or could it be my resolve to write even when I wonder if what I am saying is making a difference?

I have come to accept that my being strong is not a power that I particularly possess. But my strength comes from the perception of my readers. If those who read my articles can derive some measure of understanding, enlightenment and inspiration, I believe they are made stronger. Their strength is then reflected back to me in encouraging comments they send which in turn makes me stronger.

Without receiving responses, the posts I write are merely me consuming time and effort. Instead they have become more than expressions of my point of view and a sharing of my life’s journey. Our ongoing communications have become a source of reciprocal strength, and I wish to thank all of my readers for making me strong.

When I attended school in the southern part of the U.S. during the Jim Crow days of the mid 40s and 50s, my father placed me and my siblings in Catholic school. Although he and my mother were Baptists, he felt that we could and would get a better education at the hands of the nuns, rather than attend the segregated all-black public schools.

Whether or not that was true, the difference between our school and the others was the teachers. All of our students were black, but all of our teachers were white nuns. So not only did we get an education laced with religious instructions, although prayer was still a mainstay in the public schools, our social education was given from a totally different perspective oftentimes based on the racial differences of student and teacher.

I imagine the nuns felt it was their “Christian duty” to inspire confidence in us to counter the racism we faced day-to-day. Even to some of the protocol our parents insisted we show to the whites with which we came in contact, the nuns added stipulations. We were not to say “yes,” or “no, mam” to anyone who was not as old as our grandparents, including the nuns.

The nuns’ influence made an indelible impression on me, and probably my two sisters and brother also. So much so, that our father relocated the family to California for more than financial reasons. In great part, I expect, it was to protect us from the authority we had learned to defy.

I recently heard the statistics that 75% of teachers in the U.S. are white, and the schools have been integrated since the 60s. But there is something as sinister as segregation afoot in our school system. Many of our children are struggling, particularly in the area of social skills, and there are a number of things which have attributed to this situation.

For one, the banishment of prayer and along with it the teaching of good and bad. I too believe in religious privacy, but now children learn about actions and consequences, and everyone’s rights must be respected. It seems they are getting the message that if it feels right to them then they can do it, as long as they are willing to face the consequences. Our jails and prisons are filling up with criminals, many wealthy and famous, who acted on their feelings rather than whether what they were doing was right or wrong.

It seems to go back to the teachings of the nuns that we were supposed to respect our rights regardless of how others were disrespecting us. But somewhere in there was also the lesson that others had rights too, and it was wrong if we did not respect them.

With everyone seeming to go for themselves lately, along the way we, especially our children, have become lost. It seems that a return to treating others as we want to be treated is in order, but this concept can only be learned. Whether from our caregivers’ laps or in the classroom, social skills training and empathy for others is crucial for a civilized society. We must relearn the values that contribute to an appropriate way of life, and education is the key.

Here is a great video of children learning social skills rules in class. Thanks to the students and their teachers for this effort.

Lying awake in my bed one morning at 5:00 a.m., my mind became clouded with all the sorrowful things that were going on in my life, and fear began to creep in. Fear has been described as “false expectations appearing real.” Considering that definition, I now realize that it was not fear with which I was struggling. My contender is time.

I have been diagnosed with breast and bone cancer; my relationship had dwindled to an occasional call or e-mail; one of my children (the most difficult one) needed to move in for awhile (with his wife and 2 children); my business needs a completely new revamping (the recently published book for children is being redesigned and republished); my neighbors, the government and the world all seem to be in turmoil; even the seasons seem to have lost their direction.

Despite all those situations, and more, the one important factor I did not consider as I lay there was time. In Ecclesiastics 3, we are told by Solomon that time is the one relevant ingredient, both positive and negative, in all our affairs. It is not the circumstances, or the requirements, or the components of the affairs in which we are entangled. Rather, our primary consideration should be the time we need because time is the one thing we cannot control. We can neither speed it up nor slow it down nor stop it.

As we are helpless in defending ourselves against the fleeting or ravaging of time, why then should we fear anything? Time will take care of all our problems. If we are ill, we will simply run out of time despite our state of wellness, and our relationships will either change or end. In any eventuality, every situation we think is so important and worry about will either continue as is, improve, or be eliminated…in time.

Therefore, if there is anything to fear, it is whether or not we are making the most of our time. Are we moving forward in our mission and purpose or are we allowing our circumstances, fears, and situations to immobilize us? We speak of seeking the truth, and there is this one…it is that life, and all its state of affairs, is only a matter of time.

When I wake up every morning, and I’m grateful for that blessing, I know that this is a day I have been given to create, or be or do something different. It is with that freshness of anticipation that I love to begin my day. Although there may have come up issues I had to address yesterday, or there may be things which have lingered around for quite awhile, each morn brings a chance to learn a new lesson; something exceptional. And that possibility is what makes living life a wonderful experience.

Since I have been old enough to remember, I have always been a crier. I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m sad. I even cry when I think about all the times I’ve cried. I realize now that mainly I was crying out of frustration, because I put so much on my plate all the time, and usually didn’t know how to find myself out of the maze of decisions I was making; so I cried. I also remember mourning the death of my parents years and years before they died, but when they did I was quite prepared. They had taught me all that they could, and although I missed them tremendously, accepting their passing was a lesson I had to learn.

Life has become more enjoyable for me as time goes on, and that’s because I have opened my mind to the possibilities that all my experiences come to teach me lessons, and the sooner I learn them, the sooner I can move on. In addition, if a similar experience or lesson comes up again, I can act rather than react in behalf of my own well-being and peace of mind. I have also learned to ask for help when I need it, I have stopped trying to do everything myself; which was one of my biggest problems. Others know equal to or more about certain things than I and it is their mission in life to provide their expertise, just as it is my purpose to provide mine. We can’t be all things to all people, not even to ourselves.

Each of us has something important to the world. As we go along, we should share our knowledge, even if it hurts or makes us ashamed to admit our choices…especially to our children. For it is in the relating to others that we receive forgiveness and restoration. We may think we are the only ones who have committed our acts, but logic should tell us that with billions of people in the world, there are many others who have made the same mistake, if we want to call it that. I believe there are lapses in judgment or misdirections or experimentation, but they are only mistakes if we do not learn the lessons they come to teach. Learning the lessons is what primarily makes life such a wonderful experience.