Category — Human Nature

What happens to a person to make them become intolerant? The question is asked because I refuse to believe that people are born with hatred for others just based on their race, their beliefs, or their preferences. History has shown that when children are placed in homes different from those of their birth parents, they can take on the characteristics of their caretakers or substitute parents. If not being born closed-minded is the case, then how is it that people can become prejudiced or bigoted unless they choose to be; are strongly influenced by others; or taught to be so by those who are bringing them up?

From personal experience, I am aware of different races being more than passing associates or even friends, and different religious devotees to have created loving families. These individuals may have come from homes that stressed the difference between races or religions, however the individual who adopted themselves into families different from their own were able to assimilate or accommodate and incorporate the ideals and beliefs of the adopted family. The fact of these familial blendings are further contradictions of the idea that people are born intolerant.

That being the case, why do people instill prejudice into children? What are the benefits of thinking and acting on the belief that people are totally different than you because of the color of their skin, the way in which they worship or not, or who they choose to love? Admittedly, there are differences in the way that different groups see and relate to the world. Could culture or their appearance, the manner in which they speak or dress or the texture or style of their hair or who they choose as a neighbor or friend bring about hatred so vile as to want to annihilate them from the face of the earth?

We have seen bigotry perpetrated by groups against other groups who share common characteristics such as color and lifestyles, but who seemingly hate each other. Men commit centuries old atrocities against women in the name of superstitions and religions. Sexual preferences have been the source of acts leading to murder, rape and other crimes. Color, status, language, religion, all have been used to separate, reject and destroy the spirits of men by other men.

My question is “why?” Can the need to have authority over others be strong enough to kill a single person or whole populations to satisfy a personal intolerance? Whole nations of people who were once rational human beings have turned into monsters of destruction killing and maiming entire ethnic groups including their children, and sometimes even their animals in the name of their personal philosophy. Again I ask “why?”

Knowing that each of us has a limited time here on Earth, couldn’t we best spend it motivating, inspiring and uplifting each other? As we go through destroying life, who is to say what essential breakthrough or discovery that one could have made for the benefit of so many more? Everyone comes here for a purpose; even those with intolerant minds. But why teach or choose bigotry as the reason to be?

Much talk is going on about the building of Muslim mosques in various places in the United States. Since the arrival of the founding fathers, the U.S. has been and is predominately a Christian nation politely sharing its religious expression with Judaism. But the possible expansion of Islam and the building of mosques are controversial concepts disturbing to many people.

I stand in a rather unusual position as I do not belong to any organized religion, although I do believe in the existence of God or a power higher than man. I have no stake in the support or advancement of any one’s belief system other than my own as I respect everyone’s right to believe or worship in their own way. Nor am I disturbed about the religious aspects of the various religions, rather it is the cultural behaviors which accompany them that has and does concern me.

For many years, as a student of the sociology and psychology of my fellow humans, and as a black person and descendant of slaves in this country, I have been aware of the responsibility and activities that members of the white Judea/Christian family had and expressed toward my ancestors. Unfortunately, many of those attitudes still exists today in many circles in this country as well as prejudice and racism toward other groups because of race, sexual preference, religion, weight, financial status, etc., etc.

However, in all fairness, there is also much discrimination by Christian blacks against other blacks and minorities, based on their status, as well as animosity toward whites, regardless of whether they are also Christian. So the point I am making is that it is human nature and not professing to belong to a particular sect or group that does or does not prevent or restrain one human being from disrespecting, abusing or misusing another.

There are broad differences in lifestyles and attitudes of many Muslim groups, particularly compared to Jews and Christians. But like Christians, Jews and other religions, there are many peaceful, loving members. Nevertheless, there also exist in all of them very dangerous extremists groups who perpetrate cruel and usual disciplines on their devotees, for example, Jim Jones and the Ayatollah Khomeini.

In the U.S., because of our societal diversity, we have battled long and hard to put laws in place which pretty much separate church and state while guaranteeing personal liberty to worship as one chooses. Those laws will be required to protect the rights of Muslims as well. But will the activities condoned by many Muslims as part of their religious expression, but found objectionable by our legal system, be carried out in the church without direct interference? How will Islam’s traditional observances fit into the mainstream of American life without putting demands on the general population to accommodate Muslim rituals?

When the two cultures collide, the expansion of mosques and Islam will take a great deal of understanding, tolerance, acceptance, compassion and negotiation. I suggest we begin to adjust our thinking now before the first foundation is laid.

My neighbor and I met in the hallway of our apartment building and exchanged hellos. He has been having some serious health issues and so have I. During our brief interlude, we laughed at how we have simply just gotten old. We have to admit it, and were amused with how we now realize why old people always seem so short tempered and in such a hurry. They, or we now, don’t have the time to dilly-dally and procrastination is a waste of time.

We also touched on how limited we are in having someone to depend on and concluded that sadly, God is the only one. Everyone else is trying to keep it together just as we are.

I admit it was very disheartening to wake up one day and discover I was old. Oh, I’m not crying in my tomato soup, I still have an active life. But, as my health issues increase and my energy decreases, I have to face the fact that I am no longer in my 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s, and quickly slipping away from my 60s. (I will be 68 in January.) What to do; what to do!!

I find it interesting that although I know how old I am when I look in the mirror, and by the way my body feels when I struggle with things I’ve been used to doing very easily, my mind only feels full to overflowing; not old. I just know that I know a lot about a lot. There aren’t too many subjects, except those extreme intellectual ones like quantum physics and such that I either have experienced, know someone who has, or heard or read about. This mass of knowledge gives me great pleasure, especially when I get to share it.

I guess the bottom line is that getting older ain’t that bad. In fact, I accept it as my reward for all the tears, confusion, and do-over’s I’ve had to endure. I love my gray hair and wish it were gold, because I’ve entered the “golden time of day” and find it’s not too bad. I dedicate the attached video to all those golden oldies like me and all those who look forward to becoming one.

Frankie Beverly and Maze \"The Golden Time of Day\"

When we attain a certain level of maturity, it becomes easier to see the dynamics of human clashes or battles which we perhaps never noticed before. As a result, we learn to choose our battles rather than get involved in every conflict presented. In choosing our battles, we will also have a much quicker recovery time of letting things go and we are better able to respond or retract when necessary. Being immature, we usually only respond.

When there is some sort of confusion or problem, recognition of how to cooperatively proceed may require letting go of our bruised ego to achieve a safe, calm outcome. Knowing how and when to choose the battles we decide to fight can make life much less stressful and more controlled.

Indications that the situation is getting out of control, like raised voices and defensive body language, may signal the time to withdraw and exit. It may be that the scenario can or should continue without our further involvement. But if we insist on trying to explain why we are interested or try to protect our position in the matter, things could escalate into an argument, hurt feelings and a rift.

This is an example of several considerations we can go over in our mind in choosing our battles:

1. Have I overstepped my authority by saying something?
2. Am I aware or unaware of the reason(s) for the decision(s) which have been made?
3. Do I need to ask more questions before getting involved?
4. Should I just mind my own business and say nothing?
5. Although the situation used to be my concern, I am no longer involved; so the problem is not mine to try to solve.
6. I am doing or did the right thing by backing down and out.

When we learn to choose our battles and act accordingly, we can maintain the joy, peace and harmony in our lives and in the lives of others.

The best way to stop feeling sorry for oneself is to consider the plight of another. When the brightness of your self-pity is deflected from the mirror of your mind and you illuminate the path of someone else, you can stop squinting and open your eyes widely. Your light is no longer blinding.

But one of the most difficult things for a person to do is to turn attention away from themselves and devote it wholeheartedly to another when they themselves are confused or in pain. Being selfless is usually an act that requires a conscious decision, particularly if the other person is our equal or close to it.

We may sympathize with or be empathetic about someone’s pain. We may internalize or choose to ignore their suffering, but our reaction is based on how it will or does affect us. Regarding another becomes a personal matter of considering our own wellbeing first before promoting the caring focus toward the other person. We may eventually decide to put their need(s) before our own, but only after some thought as to what it will cost us.

It is not that we should dwell on our shortcomings as human beings, because we more often than not recognize our need to survive first and foremost, and usually make our determinations out of concern for our limitations. Therefore, in our interactions, it is normal to be well aware that we are not created to “be all things to all people.”

When you read the paper or watch the news and there’s a tragic story, what is your reaction? Do you first consider the persons involved, or do you think, “I’m glad that’s not me?” And if you are grateful that it’s not you, do you then move on as if what you’ve just read or seen was the problem of someone else and just a story that does not concern you? Have we become so jaded to mayhem and tragedy that images of men, women and children being blown to bits, starved, tortured, or mistreated in anyway have no affect or garner any reaction? Has the viewing of horror movies, video games and special effects removed or blanketed our sensitivity to human suffering?

People seem to have become so used to tragedy until and unless it touches us personally or is a national disaster do we even flinch. Local stories of murders, robberies, abductions, gang wars, domestic violence, family breakups, school and office shootings, child abuse, rapes, drownings, bombings, and all the many other painful experiences our neighbors, friends and even loved ones are having are shrugged off as, “That’s their problem. I’m glad that’s not me.”

But when does it become our problem? How close does it have to get to be seen as something which affects us no matter how distant the situation is from our personal experience? Should we consider ourselves lucky or blessed because this time we are not the ones bearing the burden or suffering the pain? How are we supposed to act or respond?

That is a tough question to consider, especially with the almost instantaneous news flashes from around the world. We live in a global community now, so our neighbor can be anyone from anywhere, and how can we feel for everyone who is going through some tremendous experience? We can’t. If you feel guilty for sometimes thinking, “I’m glad that’s not me,” don’t worry. That’s a normal reaction, and the problem is probably one which is beyond your control. The first law of nature, it is said, is survival, and survival is more than making sure the essentials of food, clothing and shelter are available. There is also survival of the mind, heart and spirit.

We are not responsible for all the things which happen to our neighbors, unless we are aware of the situation and ignore our duty to assist or we are complacent in our reaction to their plight. But standing by and watching when a word, a helping hand or some other gesture of humanity one to the other can be offered is to me a dereliction of our responsibility, and could make all the difference in the world. In any case, if it is not your turn to suffer heartbreak and heartache, the next time it could be and someone could be saying of you, “I’m glad that’s not me.” So consider how you would feel, because “what goes around comes around,” and “there but for the grace of God, go I (you).”

Recently I watched the movie, Diary of a Tired Black Man, which was written, produced, and directed by Tim Alexander. In the movie it seemed that every reason for the black woman being angry was given. There were numerous statements by both men and women of various ages and statuses giving their opinions as to the causes of the “Angry Black Woman Syndrome.” Some of them made sense, but some were just guys and gals venting.

For example, the majority of both sexes thought it was the lack of a father figure in the home or in the young girl’s life that was the cause. For without a male’s expression of love, the girl would grow up to seek love in all the wrong places and didn’t know what to expect from a man. Therefore, when her relationship went sour, she became angry.

Another source of a black woman’s anger was purported to be listening too much to other female relatives or girl friends. Women were portrayed as sitting around being brainwashed about the limitations and downfall of men, and sharing in the anger of their peers. According to the men, male bashing was a primary pastime among women, and some of the women agreed that they traveled in “groups” to keep men at bay.

Other reasons included the idea that women just didn’t know what they wanted; or don‘t know how to “pick“ a good man. Choosing a loser was a source of her anger, and a much discussed thought was when women get a good man, they treat him with such disrespect and disdain until he eventually becomes turned off, resentful or even violent because of “her” behavior, and his reactions makes her angry.

“The woman doesn’t know her place as a man’s helper according to the Bible,” was another man’s reason. While the majority of men agreed that they expected women to “be available” mentally, emotionally and especially physically whenever her man needs her. It is her “job.”

As I watched and waited for the introduction of what I believe is a primary reason most black women are angry, there was only one small segment in the movie that dealt with infidelity. In the scene, three of the main character’s friends were chiding and encouraging him to seek comfort in the arms of another woman. From their perspective, it was the expected behavior of a “real man,” even if he was someone’s husband or significant other.

This lack of significant attention shown to infidelity shows how unimportant men, especially Mr. Alexander, thinks infidelity is to the attitude and behavior of women. I imagine that if women were polled, not only black women, but a cross section of all women who are or have been in relationships with men, infidelity would be at or close to the top of the list of causes for their anger. Men seem to have no idea what a turn-off, anger-provoking, disgusting feeling women get toward men who cheat on them.

To say that it is a man’s nature, or act as if it is no big deal, or expect forgiveness and understanding is an insult to a woman’s sensibilities. We may forgive the indiscretion, and remain and move forward in the relationship, but we never forget the hurt, disrespect or mental image of our man rutting in the arms of another woman. Mr. Alexander’s movie failed to discover, or even discuss with women, one true reason for why the angry black woman is angry.

I think men know why women are angry, but they continue to try and find reasons to take the light off themselves and shine it on us. And their disregard for our feelings about their actions is another reason which makes and keeps women angry…very angry.

http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/24/how-do-politicians-survive-sex-scandals/

What would the world be like without diversity? In a recent Sacramento Bee article regarding hospitals putting in meditation spaces, the negative comments in response were stuck on non-traditional religious groups having access. The proposed purpose of the rooms, according to the hospitals, was to offer places for patients, doctors, workers and others to seek spiritual encouragement and strength, or just quiet spaces for contemplation.

In the comments, however, the focus turned the spaces into battlegrounds. The nature of different religious groups and their day-to-day interaction became the focal point rather than an attempt to respect the needs of others to participate in their spiritual beliefs.

The United States of America touts itself as the champion of personal and religious freedoms, but as soon as an opportunity to express those freedom becomes available, the ugly head of negativity and discrimination still too often pops up.

If we would simply open our eyes and minds, we would see that along with all other species of plants and animals, humans also fit into the criteria of diversity. Whether we adhere to creationism or evolution, the world and everything in it consists of variety.

Those who are placing so much importance on how someone else worships, should consider the briefness of the human lifespan. Within approximately 100 years, everyone alive today will be gone, along with all their prejudice, animosity, distrust, anger, malice and hatred.

Rather than see meditation rooms as another war zone, perhaps we can declare them neutral territories in which to manifest peace, understanding and healing.

Yesterday, talking to my oncologist about the treatment she is prescribing for my recently diagnosed breast and bone cancer, she inquired about my mental attitude and outlook on life in general. It was not too surprising as everyone has been encouraging me to “stay positive” in order to beat this new health challenge.

This idea of outlook on life brings me to the subject of how significant does the average person think his or her life is? I am by no means a celebrity or “star”; never had my name in lights [well, actually my name has been but it was for that other Paris (Hilton)], but like so many others, I am striving to be and do something meaningful…to be significant. 

Needless to say, I believe that each of us, whether notable or notorious, lives a significant life. When we consider all the people we touch on a day-to-day basis, by saying hello, smiling, shaking hands, showing appreciation, giving a nod or thumbs up, a hug, or prayer, or even if we’ve been less than friendly, we are affecting the universal spiritual field around us and making a change in the dynamics of humanity. Like pebbles thrown in a pond, the ripples of our actions go forth into eternity. We are significant.

Each person brings something unique and rare. No two are alike! The thought of it boggles the mind. We should, therefore, see ourselves as individual representatives of the whole of mankind, and treat others in that same light. When we come…and go…we have changed the world and it will never be the same again. How can anyone be less than positive with that thought in mind?

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