Category — ChildAbusePrevention

For seven years after the child-abuse case I had been involve in was closed and my children restored to me, I worked with parents involved in child abuse. As an advocate who believed Child Protective Services (CPS) removes an excessive number of children from their homes, including mine, struggling with other parents charged with child abuse was the most discouraging. I soon realized why parents were generally ignored during the processing of their situations or their parental rights were removed entirely.

Even my own co-parent became a problem in my effort to reunite our family. He continued to declare that “no one can tell me how to raise my children,” although our children were removed from school without our knowledge and put in out-of-home placement. After our cases were separated, I was able to move more smoothly and quickly through the system.

The day after my children were restored to me, I launched a child-abuse prevention program called “American Family Alliance.” It was a not-for-profit, boot-strap collection of volunteers funded entirely by our welfare, retirement and disability checks. When we began, we were full of great intentions and willingness, but had no idea of the challenges which lay ahead, nor of the struggles we would encounter with CPS and the parents.

The first adventure into our outreach efforts was a questionnaire we handed out at a church picnic. My associate and I had very carefully chosen the wording for what we thought would fit the educational level of our target clientele. To our dismay, when we retrieved the questionnaires, the forms were all blank. We found out that none of the people could read or they had very limited ability! The lesson we learned that day was very important and our expectations were colored by our being more sensitive to the status of most of the people with which we would be working.

I am not implying that all parents involved in child abuse are illiterate. To the contrary, there is no profile to which “child abusers” can be limited. Those who are determined to be inappropriate or dysfunctional regarding the care of their children fall into every social status. But because we chose to work primarily with parents who were determined by CPS as members of the “Underclass,” or those on the lowest social rung, our experiences were colored by that designation.

Nevertheless, in our work we found that the greatest stumbling block to achieving our goals of helping parents recover their children was in the parents’ attitudes. They were either very scared and submissive, and not willing to confront “the system;” or belligerent and stubborn. The latter were not open to any change which would facilitate restoration of their parenting privileges and the release of their children from foster care.

Many parents simply gave up under the weight of CPS because of its ability to use the courts, police, media and other elements of authority and influence to seek out and destroy their resolve to recover their children. This was true particularly of parents who are not aware of their rights. Unfortunately, those parents would often hinder their efforts, as well as ours, by standing in their own way.

“When I was a child”…I acted like a child. There are many children, I’m sure we all know a few, who seem to have skipped childhood and went straight into adulthood. Their walk, talk, and actions are those of someone much older than their tender years represent. I always feel saddened by the mannerisms of a child whose childhood has been stolen either by the actions of their parents, other caregivers, peer pressure, the media or too much exposure to all of adult society.

Back in the “good old days” when I was a child, I admit that much that we should have known was held in secret by all those who believed that a child should be “seen and not heard.” We were not allowed to remain in the company of adults who were visiting, but introduced then quickly shuffled to a discreet distance away from the ensuing conversation. “Grown folks business” was not our business, and we were not privileged to interact with older adults until we were much older, even if we were young and married.

I agree that life has changed and information exchange has loosened…thank God. Because of the times we live in, the strangers who lurk around the corner, and too much exposure of the negative kind being spewed out to tender minds, there is a need to counteract with information that parents deem appropriate for their children. This need to protect yet enlighten is the premise behind the Restore Childhood Project.

The goal of the Restore Childhood Project is to support those non-profit organizations which promote play as the appropriate outlet for children, as well as help parents, other caregivers, teachers, and the media in developing and using positive messages and tools of learning.

The attached survey is an initial attempt to gather feedback on the idea of such a project. Please feel to add your comments and suggestions. Thank you.

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Henry de Bracton, an English Jurist born in 1268, gave us that wise saying for whatever reason, and the truth of it has lasted since he spoke or wrote the words. In fields of medicine, manufacturing, space exploration, and many more, the practice of prevention is an important step in the process. So I ask why, if it means so much to protect products and services in so many areas, would it be ignored when it comes to the life of a child?

The death of more children is being reported in our local newspaper, The Sacramento Bee. Some children have died at the hands of their parents or caregivers, but too many have perished in the care of their supposed “protectors,” the Child Protective Services (CPS).

Admittedly, removing children from their homes is sometimes necessary, but placing them in far worse situations is unjustifiable. With all the available educated minds of doctors, counselors, lawyers, therapists, social workers, judges and others trained in the doctrine of acting in “the best interest of the child,” how is it possible that an attempt at prevention rather than restoration and preservation has eluded them for so long?

The best time to begin providing services to families is at the beginning; when a serious enough condition warrants the attention of some official concerning the welfare of a child. Another adage, “where there’s smoke there’s fire,” should be a red flag of warning. Parents whose care-taking has become questionable should be given services right away to avoid possible removal of their children or prevent further injury either at their hands or while in shelter. This intervention may also prove more effective and less costly. In addition, teaching the parents to “fish” would give the family many more long-term benefits and may cause less trauma to the child.

Until and unless CPS takes a more critical look at their current methods of handling the protection of children, the toll of death and destruction of families will continue to rise. The pound of cure is an ever increasing burden and cost that the ounce of prevention may far outweigh and out-achieve in the life and future of those children who are the most vulnerable.

For seven years after my child-abuse case was closed and my children restored to me, I worked with parents involved in child abuse. Although I believe Child Protective Services (CPS) removes an excessive number of children from their homes, struggling with the parents was the most discouraging. I soon realized why parents were generally ignored during their child-abuse cases or removed entirely. Even my own co-parent became a problem in my effort to reunite our family, as I detail in my book, By Hope Alone: The making of a parent.

The day after my children were restored to me, I started a child-abuse prevention program called “American Family Alliance.” It was a not-for-profit, boot-strap collection of volunteers funded entirely by our welfare, retirement and disability checks. When we began, we were full of great intentions and willingness, but had no idea of the challenges which lay ahead.

The first adventure into our outreach efforts was a questionnaire we handed out at a church picnic. My associate and I had very carefully chosen the wording for what we thought would fit the educational level of our target clientele. To our dismay, when we retrieved the questionnaires, the forms were all blank. We found out that none of the people could read or they had very limited ability! The lesson we learned that day was very important and our expectations were colored by our being more sensitive to the status of most of the people with which we would be working.

I am not implying that all parents involved in child abuse are illiterate. To the contrary, there is no profile to which “child abusers” can be limited. Those who are determined to be inappropriate or dysfunctional regarding the care of their children fall in every category. But because we chose to work primarily with parents who were determined by CPS as members of the “Underclass,” our experience was colored by that designation.

Nevertheless, in our work, we found that the greatest stumbling block to achieving our goals of helping parents recover their children was in the parents’ attitudes. They were either very scared and submissive, not willing to confront “the system;” or belligerent and stubborn, not open to any change which would facilitate restoration of their parenting privileges and the release of their children from foster care.

Many parents simply gave up under the weight of CPS, who is able to use the courts, police, media and other elements of authority and influence to seek out and destroy the resolve of most parents, particularly those who are not aware of their rights. Parents we were trying to help would often be the source of hindering their own efforts.

The term “dysfunctional” means “a temporary or permanent state in which a person is unable to be in balance or carry on a healthy daily life due to the lack or absence of five contributing factors: financial, mental, emotional, physical and social.” I would also add spiritual as a sixth contributing factor as it pertains to values of compassion, morals, character, and trust; all the things which makes us “human.”

When many people consider parents involved in child abuse, their primary thought concerns the financial state or poverty as abuse rather than their being “dysfunctional” as the cause.

For example, a poor mother who feeds her children beans and rice may not be abusing the child; but taking care of it to the best of her ability. When she compensates by buying items like Michael Jordan’s sneakers, this makes the child happy. She has balanced her financial factor by increasing her emotional one.

Drugs and alcohol are not primary factors that cause dysfunction, but are often the most visible indicators. Their presence may negatively affect the mental, emotional and physical factors the most. Drug abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, ill health, and disability can be positively affected or eliminated through therapeutic methods.

The need for increase in the social factor is often crucial for parents who need respite, and community and family support to help alleviate the stress of parenting. Unless there is proven physical or sexual abuse, removal of the child is not always the best action taken. The parents’ education and all other factors should also be considered.  

This brings us to spirituality and what I believe is a major factor. Without some direction involving compassion and love, children are removed from their homes and the family becomes a faceless “case.” Child Protective Services (CPS) is now turning out 18-year olds from foster care who are lost, alone and anxious. It is sad and dangerous. Many go from foster care to prison. Perhaps an intervention and correction of their family’s dysfunction could have changed their course, but we won’t know until it happens.

Recently, I have added quite a few comments to a series of news articles in the Sacramento Bee regarding the death of a 4-year old girl in foster care here in Sacramento, CA. My purpose was two-fold. One was to add to the discussion about the dysfunction of Child Protective Services (CPS) and ask for some reform in the way they take care of children. The other was to show dysfunctional parents in child abuse that they can take responsibility for the return of their children.

 The mention of child abuse is enough to curdle your blood. But, I was a parent who loved her children and got caught up in a terrible life experience. I fought to retain my kids and I believe there can and should be some objectivity given. We are all broken in some way, and judgment without full knowledge of the situation does not lend itself to equity.

If we are to realistically know that “there but for the grace of God go I,” we can realize that life can change without notice, and we could be the one on the other side of the table. I write about my personal experiences in my autobiography, By Hope Alone: The making of a parent; The story of a mother’s journey through life, love and a child-abuse case.

If dysfunctional parents want to recover their children, they should be given that chance, along with assistance and support to do so. But so many parents do not know that they have legal and moral rights to parent their children when they get involved with CPS. In most cases the relinquishment of their parental rights occurs.

 The lack of equity can cause many parents to fail to regain their children. The public demands that CPS and parents involved in a child-abuse case make many changes before they can be trusted with the care of children. But accepting that CPS and parents are not demon forces but human beings created to make changes is often the biggest step toward finding the equity for which the situation calls.

I believe our experiences happen because they should; it’s just a matter of timing. Individual experiences are not just about individuals, but are part of a larger design. When we share what we learn, we help to make another’s journey easier and less complicated.

As I come to understand more and more that there is “nothing new under the sun,” just simply repetition of what has already been done or a continuation of what others have started. So in effect, our experiences are events just waiting for their time to be manifested and shared.

It is with that thought in mind that I am choosing to publish my autobiography, By Hope Alone: The Making of a Parent; The story of a mother’s journey through life, love and a child-abuse case.

On September 16, 1988, I got a call from my kids’ principal that my two sons, ages 8 and 9, had been put “under police protective custody and placed in shelter.” In May, 1991, I was able to restore custody, but the activity during and after have changed my life forever.

I hope that by publishing this book, it will motivate parents to rethink their approach to parenting; call attention to the need for families to receive help before the removal of kids; stress that foster care should be made safer and more child-friendly; and add value to the call for review and scrutiny of methods used by Child Protective Services (CPS).

Laying me bare before the world is a duty I would have preferred not to have, but I believe the time is right to share my story. Families are suffering and children are still being hurt, some even dying. I believe my experience was not just for me. I have only been blessed with the ability to write about it, and given the strength to share it. The time has come when my life can be defined by more than my past pain, but by the hope which has replaced it.

http://www.createspace.com/3428567

In the Sacramento Bee, on January 24, 2010, there was a story written about a 4-1/2 year old little girl, Amariana, who died while in the “protective custody” of foster care. The story broke my heart and made me angry, as it stirred up once again my own feelings of the pain and anguish of a mother caught in the grips of CPS. 

Although my case happened in 1988 and ended in 1991, in San Francisco rather than Sacramento, the similarities of shoddy caretaking between the social services systems of the two counties are both frightening and apparently persistent. 

From the story of Amariana, both my case and her parents’ were not criminal. No one was apparently arrested according to the very thorough report written by Bee Reporter, Marjie Lundstrom. Instead, my children and Amariana and her siblings were removed due to parental dysfunction. But unlike the circumstances in my situation, Amariana’s parents’ rights were taken away and at least one of their children has been adopted by the foster mother. 

The tragedies of both cases are that lives were lost and the families were completely torn apart, never to be restored. The father of my sons suffered a fatal heart attack and died at the age of 39, while little Amariana died from a suspicious fire bombing. All too often this is the legacy of CPS, death and destruction of families. 

In addition, too frequently, the victims of CPS are members of the so-called Underclass; people who are disenfranchised, too poor or too undereducated to fight against the courts, social workers, counselors, attorneys and foster care parents who receive for one child what the parents may receive for 4 or 5 children if they’re on AFDC or welfare. 

Having gone through the system, but having regained and retained my parental rights and full custody of my children, I thank God every day to have survived the experience. For seven years after my ordeal I worked with families to help them wage their own battles against CPS and primarily stood alone as a gatekeeper crying for a shift in the focus toward child-abuse prevention rather than “restoration” or “preservation” which still entails removal of the kids.

Until and unless services are put in place to provide a means for parents to receive mandatory drug testing and treatment when necessary, parenting classes and counseling prior to removal of the children, we will continue to see stories like these. If there is evidence of physical or sexual abuse by the parents, children should be removed. But despite their “dysfunction” many parents still love their children who are often safer left in their homes. 

There are stories written about other Amariana’s who are killed by their parents, but we would suppose that stories of children who lose their lives in foster care should never have occasion to be written. 

The details of my case can soon be read in my autobiography, By Hope Alone: The making of a parent–The story of a mother’s journey through life, love, and a child-abuse case.