Category — Change

When I attended school in the southern part of the U.S. during the Jim Crow days of the mid 40s and 50s, my father placed me and my siblings in Catholic school. Although he and my mother were Baptists, he felt that we could and would get a better education at the hands of the nuns, rather than attend the segregated all-black public schools.

Whether or not that was true, the difference between our school and the others was the teachers. All of our students were black, but all of our teachers were white nuns. So not only did we get an education laced with religious instructions, although prayer was still a mainstay in the public schools, our social education was given from a totally different perspective oftentimes based on the racial differences of student and teacher.

I imagine the nuns felt it was their “Christian duty” to inspire confidence in us to counter the racism we faced day-to-day. Even to some of the protocol our parents insisted we show to the whites with which we came in contact, the nuns added stipulations. We were not to say “yes,” or “no, mam” to anyone who was not as old as our grandparents, including the nuns.

The nuns’ influence made an indelible impression on me, and probably my two sisters and brother also. So much so, that our father relocated the family to California for more than financial reasons. In great part, I expect, it was to protect us from the authority we had learned to defy.

I recently heard the statistics that 75% of teachers in the U.S. are white, and the schools have been integrated since the 60s. But there is something as sinister as segregation afoot in our school system. Many of our children are struggling, particularly in the area of social skills, and there are a number of things which have attributed to this situation.

For one, the banishment of prayer and along with it the teaching of good and bad. I too believe in religious privacy, but now children learn about actions and consequences, and everyone’s rights must be respected. It seems they are getting the message that if it feels right to them then they can do it, as long as they are willing to face the consequences. Our jails and prisons are filling up with criminals, many wealthy and famous, who acted on their feelings rather than whether what they were doing was right or wrong.

It seems to go back to the teachings of the nuns that we were supposed to respect our rights regardless of how others were disrespecting us. But somewhere in there was also the lesson that others had rights too, and it was wrong if we did not respect them.

With everyone seeming to go for themselves lately, along the way we, especially our children, have become lost. It seems that a return to treating others as we want to be treated is in order, but this concept can only be learned. Whether from our caregivers’ laps or in the classroom, social skills training and empathy for others is crucial for a civilized society. We must relearn the values that contribute to an appropriate way of life, and education is the key.

Here is a great video of children learning social skills rules in class. Thanks to the students and their teachers for this effort.

Lying awake in my bed one morning at 5:00 a.m., my mind became clouded with all the sorrowful things that were going on in my life, and fear began to creep in. Fear has been described as “false expectations appearing real.” Considering that definition, I now realize that it was not fear with which I was struggling. My contender is time.

I have been diagnosed with breast and bone cancer; my relationship had dwindled to an occasional call or e-mail; one of my children (the most difficult one) needed to move in for awhile (with his wife and 2 children); my business needs a completely new revamping (the recently published book for children is being redesigned and republished); my neighbors, the government and the world all seem to be in turmoil; even the seasons seem to have lost their direction.

Despite all those situations, and more, the one important factor I did not consider as I lay there was time. In Ecclesiastics 3, we are told by Solomon that time is the one relevant ingredient, both positive and negative, in all our affairs. It is not the circumstances, or the requirements, or the components of the affairs in which we are entangled. Rather, our primary consideration should be the time we need because time is the one thing we cannot control. We can neither speed it up nor slow it down nor stop it.

As we are helpless in defending ourselves against the fleeting or ravaging of time, why then should we fear anything? Time will take care of all our problems. If we are ill, we will simply run out of time despite our state of wellness, and our relationships will either change or end. In any eventuality, every situation we think is so important and worry about will either continue as is, improve, or be eliminated…in time.

Therefore, if there is anything to fear, it is whether or not we are making the most of our time. Are we moving forward in our mission and purpose or are we allowing our circumstances, fears, and situations to immobilize us? We speak of seeking the truth, and there is this one…it is that life, and all its state of affairs, is only a matter of time.