The power of no

Any parent or caretaker will tell you that one of the most frustrating situations in child rearing is when your precious little one learns to say “no.” Even at their young age, the child recognizes the power behind the word or the back and forth shake of their tousled heads.

No matter the question or the extended offer, a swift “no” is the response, and from that stubborn position bargaining must begin to try to get cooperation. Saying no is not something we are born knowing. We are taught the word and the power is transferred to us from the adults or older siblings in our lives.

The natural curiosity of a child is the usual vehicle which starts the ride into the land of no. Picking up, tying to fondle, and touching objects, the wrong foods, anything on the floor, pets, or small objects too imperceptible for anyone over 5 becomes irresistible and carries with their handling a swift “no.” Sometimes the word is accompanied with a smack on the hand or bottom for reinforcement.

Who wouldn’t learn very early on that this word has great power, and why shouldn’t I use it for myself? But what happens to that attitude as we get older? Going through life we learn that “no” is often too powerful. Particularly if we will get a smack for saying it. So we learn to shake our heads, roll our eyes, or start to cry. As we get older, we use terms like “maybe,” “I don’t care,” “I’ll think about it,” “I’ll let you know,” “I’ll get back to you on that,” and other phrases that put off the inevitable until later. But the hint is we’re really saying “no.”

Why can’t we say “no”? Is it a polite way not to show rejection? Are we trying to avoid confrontation, or have we been conditioned not to express our true feelings about something and have been too socially intimidated to take the chance of offending someone?

But who do we really offend when we don’t say “no”? We offend ourselves in not saying an infinitive no because it reduces our principles little by little. One of the greatest powers we possess is our personal authority to believe and think for our own well being. Saying no is a powerful way of being our authentic selves. It is not taking as much from the other as it is keeping much for ourselves.

A dichotomy of parenting is how the word we use to protect our babies becomes a weapon to lessen their sense of worth later in life. For reducing self-esteem is clearly not the intent of catching Little Johnnie or Susie just before they touch the hot stove or run into the street. There is power in the word no, but having the strength to wield it becomes the issue later in life.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Say_No

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/tillman6.html

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-relief/SR00039